conversations from home
The initial plan for 霸占空间 did not include conversations with my grandma. I was going to a coffee shop near my driving school and carry out the plan; to dress in a certain manner, or just casually, and observe how the driving instructors at the coffee shop, to put it nicely, people-watch. Reason being, I've always felt very uncomfortable walking by that coffee shop or by many other coffee shops with older men. A sense of being watched, being judged, being sexualised. I can't look up at them or I fear looking up at them, in fear of acknowledging I am being sexualised.
Perhaps many might say that isn't the truth but it is the lived reality of many females, apart from myself, a lack of safety and a constant knowing that we are being watched.
We watch ourselves being watch.
So I digress, or again, out of fear of confronting, I decided to head to the market and hawker centres I'm familiar with instead of immediately confronting the said coffee shop. And my grandma is an inextricable part of the process because I'm familiar with the people in the market because of her. I go to the hawker centre because of her. People in the market and maybe the hawker centre recognise me because of my grandma.
Popo said my outfit was nice.
I tied a scarf around my body and she said it's a pretty scarf.
It was a pretty scarf until the thought of my parading in the market and hawker centre settled in.
Initally, she agreed to help me take pictures and videos.
I knew I was going to get Chong Ming to help me to take because I think it would have been painful if Popo saw the way people might have looked at me. I was very thankful she initially agreed to help me take pictures and videos.
Popo and I, lying on the bed, cheeky. I already know the answers too. Pope answering questions knowing how I would react, we would react to each other - giggle.