Stranger men - or chekopek
The initial plan was to go to a coffee shop near my driving school and; to dress in a certain manner, or just casually, and observe how the driving instructors at the coffee shop, to put it nicely, people-watch. Reason being, I've always felt very uncomfortable walking by that coffee shop or by many other coffee shops with older men. A sense of being watched, being judged, being sexualised. I can't look up at them or I fear looking up at them, in fear of acknowledging I am being sexualised.
霸占空间
because I wanted to know what allows them to 霸占空间, take up space confidently and asserted their dominance. Why do I allow them to 霸占空间? Why do I feel small and feel/think they are 霸占空间-ing?
Perhaps many might say that isn't the truth but it is the lived reality of many females, apart from myself, a lack of safety and a constant knowing that we are being watched.
We watch ourselves being watch.
So I digress, or again, out of fear of confronting, I decided to head to the market and hawker centres I'm familiar with instead of immediately confronting the said coffee shop.
I laughed as I rewatched the video.
I laughed knowing I've captured something.
While filming it, I would turn around and check with Ee Wei, who helped me film, if we captured the looks.
We were glad we captured but also a sense of dread, fear, stomach-churning because something is real. When it's caught on camera it feels more real. ?
When it is caught on camera, you finally see, you are finally able to study and understand how they look at you.
And you start to wonder more about what they are really thinking about?
Fantasising or judging or cursing?
Which is better?
Or are the looks part of pure curiosity, a shock?
What are the different looks?
An older man seating back, drinking beer and staring?
An older man just walking, takes a glance
An older woman seating down, looking and looking again
An older woman standing behind you, looking up and down
Are they all the same?
How do I know they are different?
So what?